working on it...

I was listening to this song by Wale with Marsha Ambrosius called Diary and it was literally speaking from my heart from just a year, month, shit, a week ago... crazy how music can really do it for you...


I wonder why, I sit and cry, 
Wish i could shed all these tears, 
Im down and out, 
I'll keep on moving and tryna get out, 
I dont know how to move on, 
Where i went wrong, 
I wish i could live with no fear, 
So down and out, 
I'll keep it moving and tryna get out, 
Somehow.


I refuse to stay stagnant... I have to move and the desperation to move has been real within me for a year almost. I've been channeling my needs on the things I can actually tackle; my schooling, my credit, my personal growth and financial strength. All these things are moving, thankfully, but of course there is one part of this puzzle that cannot be tackled... I can't seem to even get myself to even really LIKE a potential suitor. I've met guys that would be good for me but I don't want THEM. They aren't for me... they don't have the quality that threw me head over heels for the former... that unexplained beauty that did it for me. The intent to get me to love them is definitely there, and because I am not receptive to it, I find myself hanging out with Corry and his friends. I don't want a love affair I don't agree with, so with them I just have fun; no responsibility of a love anything... just ridiculous and almost juvenile fun. Well shit... better than being a runaway bride, right??


I miss the former EVERYDAY! He was such a staple in my life. Tired of going places, seeing things and naturally make the connection to him... but God Thank you for giving me him for the time I did. I was truly happy. I guess its just what it is... he's gone, but I'm not gone from the world... I gotta MOVE... I gotta keep PUSHIN... like Sally Fields said "I got this one life, this one body" LMAO gotta work with what you got and make that shit work. I'm working on it...