Dating

Ehhhh.... yeah, I don't really like what it means to date. Its one of those things where you expose yourself to foolery.  I just recently said I would seriously give dating a legitimate try and I am stumped with all the men suffering from some form of psychosis. Some of yall are entirely too damn needy! I thought I had my needy moments, but damn.

Probably the biggest pitfall is some basically reads my credentials like I'm applying for a job. They say:

Pretty? yes
Nice Body? ummm yes
Big ass? oh yes
Nice rack? fuck yes
Pretty smile? yes
Car? yes
Smells good? yes

okay, the basics are done, now on to the more detailed information.

Single? yes
Kids? no
Ever been married? no
Job/School? School
Cook? yes

And since I am a woman with a nice rack, no kids, with money in my pocket and a car... oh and I can cook? I become this hot commodity. The chasing ensues because of this, which I don't particularly like. I've never been into guys that try too hard, but rather those who far more relaxed. I never was into guys that tell me "I want to take care of you" because it makes me feel like you would rather me just be at your disposal. I know it seems a stretch, but you would be amazed of the number of men that have said that to me, and then prove me right. I can't be in a relationship with little to no voice; ask my dad. I will run my mouth when I feel passionately about something. No one can stop me but me.

Then of course there is the man himself. What the hell does he have to offer me? Is he a mama's boy? Is he crazy? Does he have kids? How many baby mama's vs. kid's mother? How much stress will this dude cause me? I don't ever ask regular run-of-the-mill questions like that because I feel like if a man was sincere, he would just let me know. I find that most of the men I've talked to so far are eager to tell me they have children, their ages. But this is my first time really dealing with kids because before, I just like younger men that had no children. Getting over that hump, its easy to see that MOST BLACK MEN my age have children in the State of California. If you don't agree, come forward right now. We will duel it out! LOL!

I guess dating is something to do in order to know what I don't want in a relationship or in a marriage. I do want to get married. I have no marker as to when, but I want it to happen as well as children of my own. I recently met someone as a friend and its more relaxed and very sufficient so far. I also met someone who has pursued me with cool intentions, but because he is obviously trying to get me just be his girlfriend with incredible amount of speed, I can't deal. Its not something I am interested in at the moment. If I am going to be in a relationship, I will do it because I feel comfortable with that person and I have feelings for them. Until then, that's why I have dating, to feel your monkey ass out.

Meaningful Dialogue

When I went over there, I honestly didn't know what to expect. I knew that I was be an object of desire to some extent, but I chose to have an open mind and just be myself and let that take me wherever. I was truly glad I did that, not for any physical interactions that did or didn't take place, but for the conversation; the important words that needed to be said to me.

I always thought dude was going to be my friend, even through his issue that he needed to resolve in himself, I just figured he would pull it together.  But then later, I knew I was going to have to move on and chose to be strong about it - I've watched others trip consistently over the hurdle called Ahmed... I didn't want to be like that.  I kind of feel stupid now. Even though the hurdle said he was tall in his description, I knew he wasn't really that tall; I knew he embellished here and there about that and even the validity of himself. Why do women turn the blind eye to things they should have paid attention to when it comes to love? Dumb, dumb, dumb... I should have paid attention sooner, but instead I fueled myself with regard and love and went from there.

I managed to digress big time. (how unusual, right? lol) See, my patna knew of my situation with the hurdle, knew that I loved him and said these words:  "I know you love him, I know you need time. I understand that, but the way I see it, if he really loved you, he would not have abandoned you. He would have rode for you. I look at you and see a strong woman, not a weak one, so if you came to me with your situation, I would have been there for you - especially if I loved you. I can't understand why he would have seen you were hurt and not want to protect you or make it better. The way I see it; he is not the one for you."

Ouch. But immediately after that beastly hit, I thought about it, and my patna is right; 100% right. There is no way anyone can love you and so easily distance his or herself from you. Its either they never loved you or they have a severe emotional problem. While I am confident that the hurdle suffers from a distinctive lack of emotion, I cannot care about that anymore. I take relief in that feeling of I can give a fuck now.

I learned last week that hoarding feelings does nothing but create a buildup in potential conflict, as well as confusion and loss of friendship. So now this has happened to me, but thanks to my patna, I have learned a little more about my wealth. Its nice when people meet me and think I'm a good person.  It means I'm not completely misunderstood. That's the best part.