As I ride this ridiculously turbulant ride back to Cali, Im listening to my iPod. Hearing these songs from my past hurts like hell. I realize there was  a large incorporation of music in my life with him; a lot reminds me of good; no great times we've shared. Like when I hear Janet and Beyonce, it reminds me of how this man supported Breast Cancer at my behest... He wouldn't have done it, but he supported it because I did. We are talking a virol man with such boundaries, who let go of his inhibitions for me. It just hurts that this same person would choose his ego over me; I know I changed, but I had justification; never saying that made it right, but certainly it should have made it worth a try to mend. 
 
It's a painful process letting go - some days you have it, some days you don't. I'm not going to lie; today I miss him; papi. Made me smile, laugh, etc for almost 4 years. We really made each other different people growing and teaching each other life outside of what we knew before we met. There is so much good that came from this situation - this easy going situation that got extremely complicated as our feelings grew. We were lovers, friends, teammates. Had each other's back through the worst times - well until the worst thing happened to me.

This is the only man that's made me cry with immense pain from the loss of him. I know I will never love that way again. I just can't. It's entirely too painful if I lose it.  So now the tears flow, on this plane; once again. I wish this part could end. I just know one thing: I gotta keep listening to these songs, not to harbor, but rather to build new reminders whenever I hear them. Life has to move on for me.