Meaningful Dialogue

When I went over there, I honestly didn't know what to expect. I knew that I was be an object of desire to some extent, but I chose to have an open mind and just be myself and let that take me wherever. I was truly glad I did that, not for any physical interactions that did or didn't take place, but for the conversation; the important words that needed to be said to me.

I always thought dude was going to be my friend, even through his issue that he needed to resolve in himself, I just figured he would pull it together.  But then later, I knew I was going to have to move on and chose to be strong about it - I've watched others trip consistently over the hurdle called Ahmed... I didn't want to be like that.  I kind of feel stupid now. Even though the hurdle said he was tall in his description, I knew he wasn't really that tall; I knew he embellished here and there about that and even the validity of himself. Why do women turn the blind eye to things they should have paid attention to when it comes to love? Dumb, dumb, dumb... I should have paid attention sooner, but instead I fueled myself with regard and love and went from there.

I managed to digress big time. (how unusual, right? lol) See, my patna knew of my situation with the hurdle, knew that I loved him and said these words:  "I know you love him, I know you need time. I understand that, but the way I see it, if he really loved you, he would not have abandoned you. He would have rode for you. I look at you and see a strong woman, not a weak one, so if you came to me with your situation, I would have been there for you - especially if I loved you. I can't understand why he would have seen you were hurt and not want to protect you or make it better. The way I see it; he is not the one for you."

Ouch. But immediately after that beastly hit, I thought about it, and my patna is right; 100% right. There is no way anyone can love you and so easily distance his or herself from you. Its either they never loved you or they have a severe emotional problem. While I am confident that the hurdle suffers from a distinctive lack of emotion, I cannot care about that anymore. I take relief in that feeling of I can give a fuck now.

I learned last week that hoarding feelings does nothing but create a buildup in potential conflict, as well as confusion and loss of friendship. So now this has happened to me, but thanks to my patna, I have learned a little more about my wealth. Its nice when people meet me and think I'm a good person.  It means I'm not completely misunderstood. That's the best part.